Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
