just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize
