dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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