i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
