i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
