Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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