I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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