So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
