best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
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What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
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I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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