Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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