Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
