we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
