and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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