I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
