He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
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I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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