its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
