Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize