Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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