Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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