i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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