Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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