whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
