just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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