i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
