That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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