Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
