i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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