i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
