The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
