i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
