either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
