and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
