Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
