1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize