I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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