thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
