I like my sex mixed with concussions.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
