idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
