i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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