Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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