So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
