Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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