ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
