the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
