; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize