also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
