kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
