He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
