By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
