Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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