he wants to bone in the snuggie
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
