I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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