So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
