Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
