I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
