He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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