Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
