I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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