So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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