I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
