So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
