Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
