she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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