I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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