3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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