Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Randomize
