i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
