i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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