it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
