I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
