I'm really into asian looking animals
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
