....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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